Do you pack up your entire life and move out of your apartment to avoid holding a mop or a broom? Do words like “lemon fresh”, “spic and span”, and “to-do list” make your intestines recoil? Do you spend your Sunday nights producing a conspiracy theory podcast centered around the fact that cleaning something once instigates a cycle for you to continue cleaning that thing until the day you die?
If so, CLICK AWAY FROM THIS PAGE. These tips will completely transform your fundamental perceptions about cleaning. What you read here cannot be un-read.
1. If you find dishes in the sink, you can clean them.
Most will suggest soap and sponge. That is a safe bet.
2. If you see that there is no more dish soap, you can buy some at a store.
I didn’t believe this at first, but almost half an aisle is dedicated to the stuff. You can really get lost skimming through brands, scents, and label designs.
3. If you feel that the bathroom is not smelling great, you can clean it with chemical spray to get a new smell in there.
Who would have ever guessed? I mean WOW.
4. If you notice that there is dirt on the floor, the way to get it off of the floor is to use a broom.
Mops are also a cool option here.
5. If you can no longer see out of the windows, you can grab a liquid chemical and a paper towel to make them transparent again.
Again, um, WOW. Why didn’t they teach us this in school?
6. If you open the refrigerator and find that it’s overcrowded, you can take out the expired food.
Put the rotten stuff in a trash bag and then in an outdoor garbage can. There will be so much space in your fridge! If there’s a sale on baby carrots you can buy to your heart’s content.
7. If you cannot fit anymore trash into the garbage can, you can tie up the trash bag, take it out, and replace it with an empty trash bag.
Doing all of this gives you a place to put the trash you needed to throw away.
8. If you use a pan to make a food item, afterwards you can make that pan clean again.
Check tips 1 and 2 for additional resources.
9. If you see some bits of onion and oil congealing on the stovetop, you can use a sponge, soap, and water, to get that stuff off of there for good.
This is also a fun way to make your stovetop less roach-friendly.
10. If you touch the coffee table and that turns your fingertips grey, you can use a feather duster to remove the dust from that region.
Paper towels can be of great service here as well. Also, if you’re using the coffee table that rarely, then you might not even need the darn thing.
11. If you use the final scrap of toilet paper, you can insert a new toilet paper roll and throw the useless one away.
Oddly enough, this only adds about 3.5 seconds to your bathroom time which is a negligible increment of your day let alone your lifespan.