1. Pumpkins are treated in ways that would not be accepted in any other season of the year.
2. People say weird sh*t like “bibbity boppity boo.”
3. The world of women is separated into fairies, evil stepmothers, and princesses.
4. There’s a rude black cat meddling in your business.
5. People just accept the Strange and Disconcerting as Acceptable and Whimsical, like sure that enlarged pumpkin is definitely a viable mode of transportation.
6. Random dudes who think they’re the sh*t throw extravagant dress-up parties in a poorly disguised attempt to get into your pants.
7. All invited guests believe the Big Party will change the course of their lives in an irreversible way.
8. You become an expert at transforming random crap around your house into a costume.
9. You feel crippling pressure to look f***ing hot, and if you don’t, you just skip out on the party. It would be pointless to show up if your physical presence didn’t stun, mesmerize, and bewitch.
10. You will accept help from literally anyone as long as they make you look smokin’ for the dance.
11. The accessories to your costume are absurdly uncomfortable and defy even basic practicality.
12. You wear so much makeup that partygoers who gaze into your face while dancing with you can’t recognize your human features the next day. Your own family has NO CLUE that you attended the same party that they did.
13. You can’t trust who anyone is because everyone is in costume. The grasp you have on your own identity wavers and wanes with each passing minute.
14. The entire night is insultingly steeped in outdated gender roles.
15. You’re actually enjoying yourself at the party and all of a sudden it’s midnight. You freak out because your commute home is going to be hell.
16. For one night, you can detach from the physical inhibitions and existential weights that oppress your sense of joy and wonderment on every other day of the year.