The following list features Disney Princes, ordered from most boring to most likely to murder you. Male romantic leads who are not princes — such as Kristoff from Frozen, Aladdin from Aladdin, Phoebus from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Flynn Rider from Tangled — do not appear, because they are not princes or royalty of any kind. They do have personalities and it seems unlikely that they would murder you, so that’s nice. Demetri from Anastasia is not a Prince or Disney, but he is smoking hot, and we would like to acknowledge that here.
This list can be read two ways. The first reading is from top to bottom, which can be understood as a ranking of Disney princes from most boring to least boring; the higher the number, the more likely that the prince is completely devoid of a personality. The second reading is from bottom to top, which can be understood as a ranking of Disney princes from most likely to murder you to least likely to murder you; the lower the number, the more likely that the prince is a complete psychopath bent on killing people.
12. Prince Charming (Cinderella)
Prince Charming from Cinderella is so boring that his name also summarizes his personality. It would be like writing, “Hello, my name is Perfectly Average” on a name tag at speed-dating. Apparently, he also goes by the name Prince Henry sometimes, which is literally the most boring name. The only way he is going to kill you is by boring you to death.
11. Prince Florian (Snow White)
Snow White’s prince is so insignificant that the internet can’t figure out what his name is. It’s either Florian or Ferdinand, depending on who you talk to. Maybe Florian is a super-spy-assassin with multiple identities and passports which is why no one knows what to call him … which is the only reason why he’s ranked higher on this list than Prince Tweedledum or whatever his name is.
10. Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid)
Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid has a dog instead of a personality, and listens to crabs who sing questionable songs about consent. Apparently, he can’t tell the difference between his mute fiancee and and an evil sea witch with A DIFFERENT HAIR COLOR, so homeboy is either color blind or a lost cause.
9. Tarzan (Tarzan)
Tarzan is the ape equivalent of a prince and a man of few words. He’s got his own hobbies and his own friends, and he doesn’t want to move out of his parents’ home. Pretty much, he’s eye candy or arm candy, but not much else. At least he has a name though.
8. Hercules (Hercules)
7. Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty)
Prince Phillip’s personality is fighting dragons. That’s pretty much it … but it’s cooler than Hercules.
6. Li Shang (Mulan)
5. Prince Naveen (The Princess and the Frog)
Prince Naveen is a whiny-ass sack of doorknobs. He’s a womanizing, freeloading, lazy pickup artist who probably mansplains to women on Twitter. Seriously, what is up with him? It’s like someone was like, “Let’s give someone a multifaceted personality where every facet is entirely made of turds … and give him a royal title!” The truth is, he might try to murder you, but you could also probably beat him up.
4. Emperor Kuzco (The Emperor’s New Groove)
Emperor Kuzco might not technically be a prince, but he is royalty, and he is almost certainly a murderer. Before he was turned into a llama, he did what he wanted, when he wanted, which included jettisoning people from his palace and destroying villages for his own personal use. This dude has definitely made some bodies disappear … but he’s also a lovable llama in a buddy comedy who learns the true meaning of friendship!*