Goosebumps for Adults

1. Don’t Go To Sleep

You are lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when suddenly you are attacked by a spirit of overwhelming anxiety. “Your accomplishments are miserable and worthless!” it whispers gleefully as you squeeze your eyes closed. “Also, you definitely said ‘Thanks, you too!’ to the barista who said ‘Here’s your grande latte!’ like THE INCOMPETENT ASSHOLE YOU ARE!” Will your inevitable nightmares provide any relief from the waking nightmare that is your daily existence?

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

2. Trick or Trap

You wheel your shopping cart toward the check-out lanes. Lane five has a flickering light, lane two has a busted conveyer belt, and lane ten is on complete lockdown waiting for a price check. Lane four, with only two basket-toting customers, looks bright and promising, but your gut tells you something’s off. Will you pick the right lane, or will you get stuck indefinitely in supermarket purgatory?

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

3. Let’s Get Invisible

No matter how hard you try at parties to squeeze yourself into a tiny corner and make yourself disappear, someone inevitably finds you and drags you into the torture chamber of small talk. Will tonight be the night you finally discover the true power inside yourself, the power to be invisible to all the extroverts around you?

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

4. A Shocker on Shock Street

Your roommate has discarded the empty toilet paper roll and properly inserted a new, brand-name roll that they seem to have purchased without external provocation. Who (or what) has possessed your roommate’s mortal being, and will it stick around long enough to take out the recycling on Wednesday?

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

5. Monster Blood

You’re on your period. You feel a clawing pain coming from somewhere inside of you. Suddenly you wish to either destroy or consume everything in your path. The blood inside you is taking over your existence. Is it the monster, or are you?

monsterblood
via Scholastic

6. Welcome To Dead House

You’re unsure if you’ve killed more cockroaches or dreams since moving into your latest housing arrangement, and you might never find out because your roommates insist that you throw away the roach carcasses even though you are certain that they send a pretty clear message to other foolhardy insects and imprudent dreams.

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

7. The Girl Who Cried Monster

You wake up in a cold sweat: it’s street cleaning day and if you don’t re-park your car in seven minutes, you’ll be ticketed. Troll-haired, puffy-faced, and haphazardly-clothed, you stagger from your door to the curb and almost collide with a group of kids heading to school. “MONSTER! Oh my God, it’s a monster!” a girl cries upon observing the spectacle of your physical form with her own two eyes. Will you embrace this new identity, or will you refute the rumor that the girl is screaming, rather convincingly, up and down your neighborhood?

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

8. The Blob That Ate Everyone

Although you thought this moment would never come, you are now face to face with the largest deadline you have ever encountered in your life. It snorts and licks its lips. The deadline has already devoured your sense of safety, happiness, and self-worth — can you assure it that you are not the succulent bite of procrastination it has been so ravenously craving?

via Scholastic

via Scholastic

9. Stay Out of the Basement

Your landlord has warned you of the rats, mice, spiders, and ghosts of socks lost long ago that you would find if you ventured into the basement — but what is that strange noise that you’ve been hearing? Who is the strange figure you sometimes see lurking in the corner with a tent and sleeping bag?

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

10. You Can’t Scare Me

You stare into the mirror for a moment too long. A blood-curdling scream escapes your lips: one gray hair is protruding from your very own scalp. You lean in closer so that you can pull this Omen of Death from its root. Then, you freeze with the hair between your thumb and index finger. What if you keep it? What if you flaunt it? Why not wear it brashly as a Trophy of Aging, a warning to life’s demons and hobgoblins that you have come this far already, and you sure as hell won’t go down easy.

via Scholastic
via Scholastic

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