If Lucy Pevensie Were An Introvert

Dear Mother and Father,

Staying with the Professor is nice so far. His house is big and empty, which means that I can go off and hide in corners by myself for as long as I want, and no one really cares. Actually, today I had kind of a weird experience in one of the rooms, so I’ll probably stay out of that one from now on.

This is what happened: I went into this empty room and there was this huge wardrobe just sitting there, so of course I went to sit inside because you know how I love sitting in tiny, cozy spaces. There were even some coats and things in there so that I probably could have built up a little pile of cushions and made it into a great napping place. Seriously amazing.

Anyway, I was curled up in this pile of coats contemplating whether it was too early for a nap, and then I noticed that there didn’t seem to be a back of the wardrobe. In fact, I was actually a little cold. The chill was messing with my cozy vibe, so I pushed back a little farther and realized that NOT ONLY was there no back, the wardrobe opened into an entire freaking forest where it was SNOWING. How miserable is that?

Obviously, as soon as I realized that there was a wintery wonderland infringing on my personal space, I got the heck out of that closet. Awful. So much for napping.

I tried to tell the others about it so that we could fix it — I’m sure the Professor doesn’t want his wardrobe leaking universes — but of course they didn’t believe me. They never do. I managed to drag Edmund back to see, even though he was making fun of me the entire time, and he sure changed his tune once he saw I was right.

Edmund’s reaction was anything but helpful, though. I just wanted him to say, “Hey, Lucy, you were right, this is weird and we need to tell the Professor to get his wardrobe fixed so you can have a nice place to hide again.” No such luck. He got all big-eyed and ran off into the forest, and last I saw him he was talking to a strange woman on a sled. He clearly never learned his lessons about interacting with strangers. I think he even took candy from her. What a novice move.

Anyway, you might be down a kid if he doesn’t show up soon. I’m checking on him, don’t worry. I’m actually writing this from the edge of the coat rack so I can see out but still have my comfy nap place to go back to if anything happens. I saw some sort of goat hop by a minute ago, but I think I hid pretty successfully.

So now I’m in this weird position where Edmund is making terrible decisions, but I’m not about to chase him into the unknown. Technically I bet that entire forest is someone else’s property. I don’t want to deal with consequences of trespassing, especially in some sort of alternate world with unknown laws — both the legal kind and the scientific kind.

Plus, I just found this amazing fur coat that is the warmest, most comfortable thing I’ve ever put on my body. Playing around in this coat closet is truly a perfect pastime for me. I’m just gonna disregard this magical portal because I’m way more into these coats that I don’t have to talk to.

I suppose I should go find Peter or Susan or someone to let them know that Edmund is off being rude and making poor choices again. So typical. Anyway, I’ll write more later!

Oh, weird, I just climbed out of the wardrobe, and then Edmund showed up behind me! I guess he had been there the entire time. I asked him what he was thinking and he said he didn’t know what I was talking about and we should avoid that wardrobe forever. FINALLY, Edmund, that’s what I was trying to tell you the whole time.

Ugh. He needs to figure out how boundaries work. For that matter, so does this obnoxious closet. You have walls, wardrobe. Make use of them. The entire point of walls is to close you off from the rest of the world. Then you can avoid interaction as you should. This piece of furniture clearly does not understand how walls and universes work. What even. Get a clue.

I guess I’m off to tell the Professor to get his black hole of a wardrobe fixed. I miss you, parental units, and I’m glad we got away from the war and everything, but honestly it’s kind of a downer having to deal with these extended universes that shouldn’t be physically possible. Can’t wait for things to be back to normal for everyone!

Love,

Lucy

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