1. Lady Macbeth
You were just buying your LM monogrammed cloth diapers when some rude English professor in the checkout line informed you that Lady Macbeth, despite driving the entire plot, is not in fact the main character of Macbeth. Your child is NOT about to be named after some secondary character.
Everyone’s least-favorite vampire series has ruined names from Bella to Edward, but what’s most distressing is that you can no longer name your firstborn Twilight without receiving 17 copies of the series at your baby shower.
This would be a perfect name for your innocent cherub except that some loser called Ishmael is bound to pop up and ruin their life.
Why would you want your future child to be associated with a pantsless honey thief?
While the first six books had you thinking this would be the perfect name, the seventh ruined the name after C.S. Lewis decided tactlessly to end the series by ending the world. No one wants to name their child after a lost civilization.
Thanks, J.K. Rowling. Thanks a lot.
Sure, your child is also bound to have very striking eyes, but you’d like them to be known for something other than their physical features.
You wanted to name your child after your hometown’s zip code (shout-out to Amonate, VA), but then you saw Les Mis and realized that everyone is going to mispronounce your tiny tot’s name thanks to that godawful song. It’s two-four-six-ZERO-one, not two-four-six-OH-one.
9. Aesop’s Fables
Originally you loved the idea of your child representing the moral compass for the entire world. But now that you’ve reread these judgmental quips, you’d prefer for your cradle-grub not to be prejudiced against foxes and wolves — any carnivore, really.
10. Dorian Gray
Eternal youth already runs in your family; you don’t want Oscar Wilde fans to think you’re too bragadocious about it.
This would have been the perfect name for the child of two parents born in this year, but it might be a little awk since you aren’t planning on having any other children. There won’t be any Big Brother in your family.
What an elegant, lovely name — until you happened upon the literary monstrosity that is Jane Eyre. First-person narratives are the worst.