Online Dating Profile: My Third Copy Of Jane Eyre (The One That’s Torn Into Three Pieces)

About Me:

I’m one of those works of literature that a lot of people love and a lot of people don’t, so if I’m not your type then please stop sending me messages about how I should be ashamed of myself for being on a dating website. I have plenty of prospects, thank you. Also, in case it’s unclear from my pictures, yes, my binding has been ripped down the back in two different places. I’m taped up and fully functional, but I’m just putting that out there for those of you who are unnaturally obsessed with the appearances and ability levels of others.

Occupation:

I run a local chapter of the nationwide Jane Eyre support group. Our only members are myself and two other copies that share my bookshelf. Some have asked me if this is a difficult job for me — after all, the status of my binding has made it so that I get read much less than the other copies, which can wear down one’s self-esteem just a bit — but honestly I find it incredibly fulfilling.

The three of us are such a tight group; we have so many similarities (in that we contain the exact same words within our pages), but we also each have such a uniquely different personality.

It’s challenging work, moderating all those differences between us and keeping track of everyone’s individual concerns as members of a national organization, but I love it. There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing! Except maybe getting that surgery to repair my binding so I don’t physically fall apart into separate pages every time someone even picks me up.

Education:

I have a degree in comparative literature, which I obtained after years of comparing myself to the literature around me.

Hobbies:

I’m an incredibly social being. I live in a decently sized library, so there are plenty of other books in my area. Everyone has something interesting to say — except for that Elsie Dinsmore book. I’m honestly not sure why she’s still hanging around. But other than that, there’s plenty of conversation to be had.

The night life’s not bad either—sometimes the human inhabitant of our room will stay up late reading. It’s pretty lit. Dimly lit. By a flashlight.

Every once in awhile, I get a glimpse of some Netflix. My favorite show is probably Orange is the New Black because it has some pretty great library scenes. I haven’t seen past the second season though — don’t spoil anything for me!

You’d Never Guess That …  

I’ve never actually read Jane Eyre. I know, right? Here I am, an actual copy of that great work of literature, and I don’t actually have a clue what the book is about. But idk, it’s just not my thing. Running the Jane Eyre organization is cool because the other copies of the book are cool, but it’s not like we spend all our time talking about the plot. That’d be like going to a dinner party and only talking about your small intestine the entire time. Plus it’s kind of a sore spot for me because my pages are literally falling out of my body, so it’d actually be pretty tricky for me to investigate that closely.

Weight:

A little extra — I’ve got some annotations 😉

Interested In:

STOP ASKING FOR A JANE EYRE THREESOME. My fellow copies of this English-language classic and I are just not into that. No judgment though; shout-out to my Fifty Shades buddies.

Ideal Date:

I’d love for you to check me out. Seriously, though. It’s easy to overlook me when there are two copies of the same book right next to me that both have much nicer binding and aren’t falling into several pieces with pages threatening to flutter away from you, but I promise I’m worth it.

Take me out to a poppin’ club. A book club, I mean. We can chill with literary excellence and its appreciators all at once. You won’t make a single comment about my decrepit paper cover and disintegrating glue. Maybe we can follow up the clubbing with a viewing of the third season of Orange is the New Black. I’d love to see more of that gorgeous library.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *