Online Review: The Neighbor’s Dogs

After hearing rave reviews like “Who’s a good doggie?” and “Drop it! write an essay on home go to site see url follow buy cialis tesco kamagra gold reviews buy essays follow site here cialis online payment mastercard thesis on population personal reflective essay example magic kingdom for sale sold essay write me a essay for free essay environmental pollution 500 words drug generic viagra viagra risk persuasive speech topics funny viagra 50 mg tablet price one strategy for writing an effective conclusion to an essay is to brainly go here discovering geometry homework help hydrocodone and free viagra thesis writing checklist sex viagra in hindi go site Drop. DROP. IT. Good boy!”, I felt pretty fired up to meet my new neighbor’s dogs. They (the dogs) had been raining down a rabid hell-fire of barks for three weeks when I finally ran into them (the dogs + their owner), awkwardly, in the stairwell.

So, a little background about me. I am a dog person: I just know dogs. My family had dogs, I see dogs on the street everywhere, and I even think about dogs randomly out of the blue sometimes. Essentially, I just want to emphasize that I know what I’m talking about based on my credentialed life experiences involving dogs. If this is the only paragraph you actually read and remember from this review, I am at peace with that because it holds the most importance to me personally.

Anyway, we were on the stairs in a weird tangle of ambiguity and wet noses (I had a cold at the time). I introduced myself and the neighbor/dog owner said, “Oh! Nice to meet you!” Unsure where the hell to take the conversation after that comment, I bent down to scrutinize the two dogs that were scrutinizing my pants.

Let’s start with my take on Dog 1. Dog 1 had short legs, a slick black coat, two eyes, a tail fluff, and a mouth full of oatmeal breath. The best feature here was the coat. It was easy to touch, soft to feel, and sort of radiant to look at. But, beyond that, Dog 1 did not leave me feeling wowed. I never once felt the inclination to photograph it and post it online. I actually sort of forget what its face looks like, and that pretty much says it all.

Simply based on Dog 1, I was not going to pursue looking at these dogs again. I would also like to note that if I had named Dog 1, I would name it Coat. That would be an elegant way to emphasize its best feature (like how my mother named me Snapper).

Dog 2 is next on the judging block, and let me be frank: there was a lot to critique. As soon as I looked at Dog 2, I felt an overwhelming sense of “oh-my-god-why?” coursing through my nervous system. The canine-esque mammal seemed to be formed, monstrously, from Dr. Frankenstein’s very lab. Upon further questioning (it was actually just one question), I was told that Dog 2 was, categorically, a Golden Retriever.

“How…chique,” I said, pretending to study the creature. In reality, I focused on a chip in the stair near its paws until my vision blurred. I couldn’t think of any flattering names for Dog 2, and ultimately my sense of confusion at what constitutes a dog these days removed all coherent thought from my mind. 

To wrap everything up, I can’t really recommend the neighbor’s dogs. If your standards are really low—like you’re just looking for dogs that loosely exhibit canine characteristics—I guess you wouldn’t mind having to see these dogs once or twice. But I can’t imagine anyone really going out of their way for it. Save your metro money for another canine is all I’m saying.

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