Take this nifty quiz and find out!
1. Which Shakespearean Tragedy best describes the content rotting on your refrigerator shelves?
a. “Romeo and Juliet” (a tupperware by any other name would smell as sweet)
b. “Hamlet” (whether ’tis nobler in the fridge to suffer the soups and salads of outrageous fortune, or to take trash bags against a sea of suffering, and by cleaning, end them)
c. “Macbeth” (tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow aka how long I plan on putting off grocery shopping)
d. “Julius Caesar” (et tu, fridge?)
e. Shakespeare doesn’t know my life
2. How many tissues would an outsider need to manage the tears after taking a peek inside your refrigerator?
a. 0-5 tissues, maybe less: It’s neither a fairytale nor a nightmare.
b. 10-15 tissues: I’ve got a few questionables in there.
c. 15-25 tissues: It’s sad, but like, the tears will stop.
d. 25-the whole box of tissues: Honestly, I avoid ever opening it for that very reason.
e. Tissues don’t know my life.
3. On a scale from 1 to 10, how much does your food supply serve as a metaphor for your life?
a. Three: I got good days and bad days: sometimes the vegetable drawer is half full.
b. Six: You know the way lettuce looks when it’s wilting? Well, idk, that just really reminds me of me. Like if my life story was made into a cartoon with an all-veggie cast, that would be me no doubt.
c. Ten: There’s no better way that I could represent myself. My fridge has two tortillas, seven baby carrots, and half a cheese block and that will have to be enough to get me through the weekend. Such is every aspect of my life in general.
d. Eleven: Honestly, my refrigerator has more of a life than I do.
e. Metaphors don’t know my life.
4. How much of your leftovers are leftovers of leftovers (grand-leftovers/second generation?)
a. 10% I’m surprisingly competent considering my income bracket and lack of time for personal care in general.
b. 25% Ya, honestly there are a few things in there that have unrecognizable origins.
c. 50% #neverwastefood #exceptforsometimes
d. 100% My food’s so old idk when I originally bought anything or where the grocery store actually is in relation to my home.
e. Leftovers don’t know my life.
5. If the kitchen went down in flames, how excited would you be to know that your refrigerator and all of its contents were destroyed?
a. Not too excited — we had many happy meals together.
b. A little excited — I will honestly miss zero of that food. Good effing riddance. I should not be in charge of a refrigerator ever.
c. Way too excited — I’m going to go bowling in one of those neon blacklight places for a few hours to divert the insane amount of energy this news has brought to me.
d. Excited Plus Plus — I feel like answer c, but way more of it.
e. Excited doesn’t know my life.
6. When was the last time you were proud of what was stocked in your refrigerator?
a. Last week. I have to admit you caught me at a time between grocery store trips, but I’m guessing that I will be fully loaded in a few days.
b. Last month! There was a party at my friend’s office and let’s just say they were going to throw away two trays of lasagna because they had been “sitting out” for “five hours” and could be “unsafe to the human digestive system.”
c. The last time I was at my parents’ house, I was vicariously proud of their ability to stock multiple types of mustard, various forms of cheese, vegetables that were not on their last legs, etc. These people raised me, so by default and DNA I feel connected to their refrigerator habits.
d. Obviously never, I clicked on this quiz to try to help me get my life together, please stop with the condescension.
e. Proud doesn’t know my life.
QUIZ RESULTS : You should make…
Mostly A’s: A clone of your refrigerator
You’re basically doing things right. Most people in your demographic would be envious of what you have going on. Keep on keepin’ on.
Mostly B’s: A place in your kitchen to cook comfortably
You, despite feeling sorry for yourself, have a considerable amount of competence when it comes to all things food. You really didn’t need to take this quiz, but now that you have, you feel validated in yourself and your refrigerator.
Mostly C’s: A Seamless account
Clearly, buying groceries and cooking is something that is turning your already-wretched life into stuff of legend and not the good type of legend but like the ones that ancestors tell their youth as a cautionary tale.
Mostly D’s: A place in your room to cry comfortably
You are terrible at the act of eating itself, let alone the buying of ingredients and compiling of recipes. Somehow, you have survived this long—weep audibly for your success against all odds.
Mostly E’s: A wish upon a shooting star
There’s not much hope for you unless you can get in touch with some magical forces or helpful, bored aliens. Your detachment from the gravity of your situation is the most shocking part of it all.