If the Velociraptors in Jurassic World Were Introverts

*excerpts from extremely scientific observational notes*

Day 1

Three velociraptors hatched today! We are being very careful because, as has been meticulously documented over the previous years and movies, velociraptors are violent and will probably shred us like carnitas as they are given a chance. So far, they are adorably dangerous babies that have not yet decided to destroy us. We have named them Mona, Laurel, and Jennifer.

Day 31

The velocibabies are a month old now and surprisingly have not yet laid waste to both nature and nurture around them. Nor have they established too much of a hierarchy. Much like myself, they mainly sit around on their own, eat, and listen to covers of Selena Gomez.

Not sure if this is normal or not because all the old scientists were eaten by the last round of raptors. All of the meticulous documentation is more about the process by which raptors devour other living creatures. Well, good thing I’m taking such detailed notes here.

Day 65

Honestly getting a little confused by the raptors. Definitely thought they’d be more vicious by now, but they all tend to keep pretty much to themselves. One of them (Mona) seems to enjoy using her claws to sketch pictures in the dirt. We’re thinking of giving her some oils and starting up a special Raptor Art exhibit, but will that appeal to an audience that has historically preferred splatterings of blood and guts to splatterings of paint? TBD.

Day 124

The Raptor Art exhibit idea is taking off. Mona loves the paint and spends way more time with it than with her sisters. Relatable. Meanwhile, Laurel spends most of her time hiding from anyone who tries to look at her, and Jennifer is incredibly clumsy and trips over every single bit of prey we put in front of her. Dammit, Jennifer.

Day 207

We brought in Owen Grady to start training them, but they aren’t expressing much interest in structure. They just kind of looked at him and then went back to their art project. Laurel was a little extra sassy — she licked his bicep and then turned bright red and ran away. Who knew that raptors could blush?

Day 365

Wow, it’s been an entire year since the raptors hatched! Time flies. But velociraptors don’t, which Jennifer found out the hard way when she pulled a piece of cloth over her tiny dino arms and then jumped off the shed roof.

Could she have been playing pretend? It’s a fascinating question about the nature of prehistoric creativity. We haven’t had much opportunity to investigate it before because most of the raptors were much more vicious than these three.

Laurel seems to have become vegetarian and will only eat tofurkey now. We’re not sure how she found out about tofurkey.

Day 406

Well, it finally happened — the Indominus Rex that scientists were working on in another section of the park escaped and went on a rampage. It ate a lot of the other dinos, but the raptors are safe because they hid in a closet somewhere. I think they fell asleep, actually.

We’ll probably have to shut down the park again (so weird that this keeps happening) but in the meantime Mona got accepted to art school, so they’ve still got some pretty good life prospects despite their social aversions. Jennifer and Laurel will probably go with her.

Day 513

I just visited Mona at art school. She’s doing really well. All her professors love her. She’s made a couple friends, but mostly she hangs out with her sisters. Laurel works in the cafeteria, where she is leading a protest to offer more vegetarian kitchen options, and Jennifer stays at home in their dorm room and is trying to learn to read.

It’s a pretty cool situation. Who would have thought they’d end up here? This is why I went into science — for experiences like this.

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